and i hate it already. like i hate my fucking family. i wish my mom was alive. or at least i died instead of her... better yet.. i wished my brother and fucking father died. they are the reason for my unhappiness and me being miserable. they even ruined my wedding was suppose to happen this month. so it pretty much got cancelled. they are over controlling and pretty much abusive. my mom was never like this!!! this is rather sad and pathetic at my age. i'm a fucking adult. i want to see the friends IDO HAVE or my bf. pretty much, i'll probably end up breaking up with him.. or he'll do it first. i'm sure of it. i'm disabled with special needs so i don't work. i don't have any money... the money i did HAVE was stolen by my brother. so yeah.. can't go to a hotel or get an uber. sucks don't it ? can't go to a shelter cuz they are booked up. my brother is asshole who hides aspirin and food from me. i'm pretty sure that is a form of abuse.. i get headaches often and blames me for being on the computer. he's on the computer 24//7 and games.. more than i do. calling the kettle black eh ? and plus i have very bad teeth which cannot be helped. what am i suppose to do???? like fuck him. i'm not even in the mood to celebrate christmas this year. i want no part of it. like i don't want to be around them at all. i don't even want their fuckin gifts either. i never get shit i ask for every year now. at least my fuckin mother tried when she was alive!!! they don't. always say money this, money that. sick of their lies and excuses. maybe, get off ur fat ass and get a real job instead working from home. doing youtube shit ain't a real job, moron.

 stop putting the damn cat in MY room. last time i fuckin checked.. i didn';t get the car. YOU DID SO STOP PUTTING HER IN MY ROOM!!! i have her in my room enough as it is. you barely take care of her. put her in your fucking room. fuckin asshole.

 they ask what is wrong and little they don't know, they ruined my fucking wedding.. aka my family.. for being over controlling.. verbally and physically abusive. i hope they FUCKING get what comes for them soon. cause.. i'm done. i dont wanna be alive anymore.. if i have to kill myself.. i will fuckin do it..

this year was nothing bad over bad... im not even in the fuckin mood for the holiday season this year so fuck it.